Fabulously Facetious Friday

It’s Friday! Or at least, it is in my timezone. And that means it’s time to carry on the tradition of ever-so-occasionally posting quotes from my Quote Book, a little notebook I carry with me at all times to write down the strange things I hear people say. Snarky comments may or may not be involved.

“You know you’re late to dance when you’re buttoning your pants in the street.”
Thought I’d start out with pants, since approximately 20% of the quotes in this book involve pants. So…yeah. Pants.

“Actually, all the people are dead by now, but I added some more screaming because I thought it would go well with the elevator music.”

“Why is there a tooth in my slipper?”
“Ohhhh, that’s where it went!”

“You could put your ear on an injury and use it as an ice pack.”
It’s a cold winter, what can I say?

“I’m going through the carcasses of your lunch.”

“Will you hold my phone? I need to put my pants on.”

“Why are you guys so excited about murder?”
“Because we’re writers and we murder people for a living!”
I didn’t say that…noooo.

“Some people are good at everything, like me. I excel at architecture and animal husbandry.”

“I remember your dog, he’s definitely dead.”

“Do you think if I mixed Cheetos in with my rice noodles it would make them taste less like soggy cardboard?”

And finally…
“It’s Jack Harkness, how is he supposed to keep his pants on?”

Pants.

More Random Quotes of Awesomeness

Hello! It’s Friday, and that means…random quotes from the quote book day! If you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about, click here. Now then. Let’s begin.

“Math teacher fun is the only kind of fun.”
As one might expect, my math teacher said this. Okay, from now on I’m not making any contextual annotations. I will leave you to muddle through the sea of strange quotes yourself.

“There’s a stampede of little squirrels in my head. I don’t like squirrels.”

“I don’t want them to get my pudding. It’s my pudding. Wait, can I be the pudding queen?”

“Pudding and gatorade go together like pizza and shoelaces.”

“I just choked on an orange and you want me to feel your neck?!”

“I remember everything. What day is it?”

“Become the chair!”

“This is a sonic popsicle…I’m eating my weapon? That’s not a good idea. But it tastes good.”

And that is the conclusion of my quotes for today. Next up, poems about Doctor Who! Seriously.

I Have An Idea!

Actually, it was my Mom’s idea. But oh well.

I keep a quote book. It’s a list of all the random, amusing, or unusual things I overhear that I keep in a little notebook, which I carry with me most of the time. My Mom came up with the idea that every time I post on a Friday, I should include a few quotes from the quote book. I liked this idea, so I’m starting a tradition.

Before I post today’s quotes, I’d like to ask you not to use these quotes for anything. I have written them down mainly because I hope to include a few of these lines in a future novel. Thank you. And now for today’s quotes:

“I tend not to judge people based on their bowel movements.”
I heard this in French class one day. This quote is the reason I decided to start writing down the interesting things people say.

“I licked her face today and she still complimented me!”
This quote comes from a particular student in my advanced geometry class. Funnily enough, quite a few of the quotes in my book come from him.

“I could probably fit my whole fist in your mouth.”
Another quote from the kid in my math class.

“I don’t like pants.”
And again.

“He wasn’t even wearing pants today.”
It seems we’re carrying on a similar theme.

“How do you accidentally lift up a teacher?”
I do not know.

Well, that’s all for today. What are some interesting things you’ve overheard people say?