22 Ways to Ask Someone to Dance With You

The end of year dance is coming up in two weeks today, and that may seem like a long time but I’m already stressing. I’m going with a girl I can barely form coherent sentences around, much less ask to dance. I have the bad habit of being either awkwardly silent or babbling incessantly in her presence, but I don’t want to do that. I want to look cool. So here are 22 cool ways to ask a girl–or anyone–to dance with you:

1. Walk over to her. Look at the ground in a cute, abashed way, and run your palm through your hair backwards, intentionally messing up your hair. According to my Sources this is a primary queer girl flirtation ritual. (My Sources being the LGBTQ+ blogs I read and my real-life nonstraight friends who do this constantly.) I have tried doing this with my hair but it doesn’t quite work because it’s too long. After this, look up and say sheepishly, “So…I was wondering…would you like to dance with me?” You look cute and irresistible and it probably won’t be hard pulling off the embarrassed part.

2. Grin at her, hold out a hand, and say, “I don’t really know how to dance, but wanna give it a shot?”

3. Optionally, do the same thing as in #2, only say, “I’ve been practicing my moves for weeks. Care to help me test them out?”

4. Or you could get even cheesier with “Come and get your groove on with me, baby!”

5. Or you could say “Screw this I know how to dance” and grab her hand and pull her onto the floor with you.

6. Casually drop not-so-subtle hints during conversation to get her to do the asking. “I really like this song. It’s good music to dance to.” “So I learned how to waltz the other day.” “Yeah, I was trying to practice slow dancing in contemporary women playwrights yesterday, but it wasn’t really the same without a partner *wink wink nudge nudge*”

7. Write her a song, ask if you can perform it, go up there and own it, and then afterwards when the crowd is going wild over your musical genius, sweep over to her and say “Dance with me?” in a cute, flirtatious way.

8. Or just, you know, ask her flirtatiously to dance. I’d provide an example but my knowledge of the subject is limited to Captain Jack Harkness and I don’t think I can really pull off the same charismatic appeal.

9. Write DANCE WITH ME? on the front steps with sidewalk chalk.(Because of that one time, when she was like “Do you have sidewalk chalk?” and you were like “Yeah I have sidewalk chalk!” only you couldn’t find it and were so upset you resorted to overusage of the word “like.”)

10. Look her squarely in the eye and ask her if she would like to dance with you. (But come on, who does this? Eye contact? Pfff…)

11. “Hypothetically speaking, if someone in your immediate presence were to ask you to dance with them, would you, hypothetically, say yes?”

12. Go up to her and twirl her around, then when she’s laughing pull her out onto the dance floor. Works best for faster songs.

13. You know you’re going to be awkward with her. I mean, come on, you’ve stared at the moon together, alone on a balcony on a rainy night, but never even so much as hugged because you’re too afraid. So own your awkwardness. Stutter. Blush. Stare at the ground. Trust me, it’s cute. As long as you get across the general impression of “Would you like to dance with me?” you’re good to go.

14. Start quoting song lyrics at her. “We spun around a thousand stars / I dreamed a dance with you / I know the night is dying, dear / I know the day will dawn / the dancers may disappear / still the dance goes on.”
…Maybe those exact lyrics don’t really work, but I never pass up an opportunity to quote Next to Normal.

15. Optionally, quote poetry at her. As my Shakespeare teacher once told me (and as they say in Dead Poets Society), poetry was invented to woo the girl of your affections. And also possibly to lyrically state universal truths and metaphysical concepts while working for social change. Possibly. But also for wooing. I know poetry by no means makes everyone swoon, but I can assure you that if a girl were to quote some Emily Dickinson or T.S. Elliot at me I would probably faint conveniently into her arms. I have many many favorite poems, but right now I adore “To a Stranger” by Walt Whitman and “somewhere i have never traveled,gladly beyond” by e.e. cummings. My favorite lines from that last one are “i do not know what it is about you that closes / and opens,only something in me understands / the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses / nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands”

16. You could get even more specific with that and take a leaf from the Bard. “If I profane with my unworthiest hand / This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this:/ My lips, two blushing pilgrims ready stand / To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.” (Romeo, you flirtatious person you.)

17. Draw her a picture explaining your proposition.

18. Just become Daenerys Targaryen (circa the beginning of book 3, since I’ve not read farther and who knows where her character arch could end up).

19. Get your friend to do it.

20. …just kidding, don’t do that or you’ll look like an idiot. Get your house elf to do it for you, since no one can resist adorable fictional creatures and also they have magic. Just be sure to pay them in socks.

21. Frost it onto partially-burnt loaves of bread and toss them to her unsuspiciously.

22. Find the Doctor, hop into the TARDIS, and pop off and have some adventures, which will make you courageous and bold. Then time travel to the dance, ask her while you still have the confidence, and then when you go back to your own time to wait for the dance, once it happens you’ll have already asked her and there will be nothing to worry about. (Don’t ask me how my logic works on this. I’m not even sure myself. Wibbley-wobbley timey-wimey.)

Okay, if I even had the courage to try any of the slightly more reasonable ideas from my list, I couldn’t pull it off. I have resigned myself to awkwardly sitting at a table in the corner and making puppy eyes at the back of her head. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled. Any additions to the list you may have (silly or otherwise) greatly appreciated. Genuine advice even more greatly appreciated.

Fabulously Facetious Friday

It’s Friday! Or at least, it is in my timezone. And that means it’s time to carry on the tradition of ever-so-occasionally posting quotes from my Quote Book, a little notebook I carry with me at all times to write down the strange things I hear people say. Snarky comments may or may not be involved.

“You know you’re late to dance when you’re buttoning your pants in the street.”
Thought I’d start out with pants, since approximately 20% of the quotes in this book involve pants. So…yeah. Pants.

“Actually, all the people are dead by now, but I added some more screaming because I thought it would go well with the elevator music.”

“Why is there a tooth in my slipper?”
“Ohhhh, that’s where it went!”

“You could put your ear on an injury and use it as an ice pack.”
It’s a cold winter, what can I say?

“I’m going through the carcasses of your lunch.”

“Will you hold my phone? I need to put my pants on.”

“Why are you guys so excited about murder?”
“Because we’re writers and we murder people for a living!”
I didn’t say that…noooo.

“Some people are good at everything, like me. I excel at architecture and animal husbandry.”

“I remember your dog, he’s definitely dead.”

“Do you think if I mixed Cheetos in with my rice noodles it would make them taste less like soggy cardboard?”

And finally…
“It’s Jack Harkness, how is he supposed to keep his pants on?”


More Random Quotes of Awesomeness

Hello! It’s Friday, and that means…random quotes from the quote book day! If you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about, click here. Now then. Let’s begin.

“Math teacher fun is the only kind of fun.”
As one might expect, my math teacher said this. Okay, from now on I’m not making any contextual annotations. I will leave you to muddle through the sea of strange quotes yourself.

“There’s a stampede of little squirrels in my head. I don’t like squirrels.”

“I don’t want them to get my pudding. It’s my pudding. Wait, can I be the pudding queen?”

“Pudding and gatorade go together like pizza and shoelaces.”

“I just choked on an orange and you want me to feel your neck?!”

“I remember everything. What day is it?”

“Become the chair!”

“This is a sonic popsicle…I’m eating my weapon? That’s not a good idea. But it tastes good.”

And that is the conclusion of my quotes for today. Next up, poems about Doctor Who! Seriously.

My First Post: An Introduction

Hello! Artgirl here. I also go by littlemarais98 and Wren, but if you like you can make up an interesting nickname for me. I consider myself to be an artist, performer, and writer, though I may or may not have actual skill in these areas. In addition to the aforementioned, I like to fill my time reading, going to see movies and plays, eating more candy than strictly necessary, singing along to my iPod, and collecting art supplies (especially fancy papers and stickers). As a teen with celiac disease, I eat gluten-free, but it doesn’t get in the way of my love of food. (Did I mention I like candy?)

A while back I realized that I could do something with my thoughts, ramblings, writings, and all of the other randomness floating around inside my head. I recalled a dream I once had about alien cows (see my “About the Name” page for details). At first, I used this name jokingly, not actually planning to call my blog “Alien Cows”, but the title grew on me. It’s short, easy to remember, and captivates the reader’s attention. You can also glean my imaginative nature from the title. So, the title stayed, and a blog was created.

We now come to the point in my opening post in which I tell the readers what will be in this blog. You probably won’t find much related to alien cows. (I promise that if I see a real alien cow wearing pink butterfly sunglasses you’ll be the first to know.) The content of this blog will be quite varied. Perhaps one day I’ll choose to write about the importance of ice cream in society, and the next I’ll be writing a review of the book I finished reading. I plan on mainly posting writing samples; reviews of books, movies, and plays; and the thoughtful or random things crossing my brain that are actually worth posting about. This list is apt to grow as I branch out and become a more experienced blogger.

I believe that is all I wanted to say. So, live long and prosper, readers. I hope you enjoy my blog.